Celebrating Women’s History Month: Alex Montgomery on Adopting as a Single Mom
- Foster Care , Latest News
- March 21, 2022
In honor of National Women’s Month, Let It Be Us’ Deputy Director, Alex Montgomery, tells her story of adopting as a single mom.
“I am prouder of my years as a single mother than of any other part of my life.” – J.K. Rowling
Growing up, I never dreamt about getting married, although I assumed I would. But as I entered my mid-30s single, I began to think about what I wanted for my life and decided I wanted to become a mother most of all. I knew if I was going to become a mother on my own, I wanted to do it through adoption.
I was fortunate enough to grow up in a loving family with a mom and a dad who have been consistently supportive. My dad has always treated me like I could be anything, never like my options were defined by the fact that I was a woman. And my mom has always been a role model for getting things done and solving problems. She’s the one who fixes things around the house and taught me that most problems have solutions – you just need to figure out what the solution is.
So when I decided the ‘solution’ to my desire to become a mother was to adopt a child on my own, it never occurred to me that I couldn’t do it. That it would be too hard or that I couldn’t create a family without a partner. (Definitely one of those situations where it’s helpful to be overconfident!) And indeed, despite conventional wisdom that children must have two parents to thrive, a Harvard University study found, “Every child who winds up doing well has had at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult.”
I won’t say the road here was easy, but my daughter is now almost 10 years old and with the support of my parents, my siblings, my friends, and my community, I have a beautiful little family: me, my daughter and, not to be left out, our (female) dog – who was also adopted.
The other thing I learned about creating a family on my own through adoption is the beauty of adding my daughter’s birth family into our family constellation. We have developed a close bond with her birth mother and the daughter that lives with her, who is my daughter’s sister. Both of us are single moms, both of us love both girls – in different ways – and both of us understand that we would do anything to help and support our children as they make their way through life.
I know my most important job is to show my daughter that she can be anything she wants to be, that the way her family was formed is something to be proud of, and that there are so many people who love her. With the help of my family and her birth family, I hope I am doing just that.
Alex Montgomery is the Deputy Director at Let It Be Us. Read more about Alex here.
About Let It Be Us
Let It Be Us is a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the landscape of foster care and adoption in Illinois. Our mission is to inspire foster care and adoption so more children in care grow up in stable, healthy homes. Funds raised will go to programs that build the strong and innovative bridge between our waiting children and foster and adoptive parents. Learn more at letitbeus.org