The Osterhues children get together for a Christmas story in the family’s Tower Lakes home. All five of Mark and Carolyne Osterhues’ children, Kyle, Colby, Emily, Lamar and Megan, were adopted after they were foster children with the Tower Lakes couple.
Carolyne Osterhues’ kids, like all siblings, have their moments.
“They have fights over ‘Who ate my Flaming Hot Cheetos?’” the Tower Lakes mom said. “They are the best of friends and worst of enemies.”
Unlike most siblings, however, none of them are Osterhues’ biological children. All five of Mark and Carolyne Osterhues’ children, Kyle, Colby, Emily, Lamar and Megan, were adopted after they were foster children with them.
The Tower Lakes couple had always planned to build a family through adoption and considered using a domestic or international agency but were deterred by high costs, long wait times and potentially lengthy legal processes.
“They have a special bond from what they have been through,” Carolyne said of her children, ranging in age from 26 to 7. “Colby was super sick. He had respiratory problems, but he and all of them are warriors. They have inner strength. They’re fighters. They have great spirit.”
Carolyne Osterhues stands with three of her children. During the past 23 years, the Osterhueses have provided a home to 22 foster children, adopting five of them.
During the past 23 years, the Osterhueses have provided a home to 22 foster children. One time, they wound up with a baby on Christmas because they were the only ones who answered their phone.
Carolyne said it is never easy when a foster child gets placed with them and then is returned to his or her family.
“It’s a dagger when they do go back,” she said. “It’s always tough. You get attached to them.”
After one quick placement, Mark felt that dagger.
“He told me, ‘I didn’t fall in love with you that quickly,’ Carolyne said. “It hits you that it’s a little person.”
Kids’ feelings
It is even tough on the kids in the house when a foster child goes back.
Carolyne remembered when one little one went back, her sons, who were 8 and 9 at the time told her, ‘We can’t do this. It is really hard.’”
A week later, she was bringing the boys home from hockey practice when she got a placement call.
She started to tell the caller ‘no,’ when the boys chimed in from the back seat, ‘We were just joking. We can do it,’” Carolyne remembered.
Carolyne said even when a child is returned to his or her home, it is a rewarding experience.
“Every kid deserves love,” she said. “These kids especially need to see what healthy love looks like.”
Susan McConnell founded the Barrington-based Let It Be Us in 2014 to help connect the nearly 20,000 children in Illinois’ foster-care system with families like the Osterhueses.
Susan McConnell works to get more youths in Illinois placed with foster families.
She notes that sadly, there aren’t enough licensed foster care parents in the state, and as a result, too many vulnerable children end up in shelters, group homes and other living arrangements. “Ten years ago, we started Let It Be Us with the goal of helping kids find families,” McConnell said. She and her husband, Doug, are parents to four children, three of whom joined the family through adoption.
Susan wound up helping to establish the Heart Gallery of Illinois, a group that works with kids needing adoption.
“I learned that there are a lot of kids in need of adoptive families,” the Barrington resident said. “That surprised me. We have four kids, three of them adopted – and the children to adopt were hard to find. Here they were, all around me.”
She saw a need to get more foster families so more kids could be placed in homes and subsequently created Let It Be Us.
“We recruit foster parents and place kids in homes. The average age of the kids is 8,” McConnell said. “We place babies, toddlers, teens, siblings, some with special needs. There is a place here for everyone.
“It depends on the foster parents’ experiences and what the children need. Some people are better with kids with less trauma. We do have foster parents who take in children with Down syndrome and autism who have had their own experiences with those conditions.”
Open to all
She said anyone willing to be a foster parent can be a part of Let It Be Us.
“There is room for everyone,” McConnell said. “There is room for people who are single, who already have families, who are LGBTQ. We are a welcoming organization.”
She said giving kids roots is so important.
“We need to give them some permanency. Let’s stop the musical chairs and help kids settle down,” McConnell said. “We need adults for them.
“It doesn’t mean the children may not return home, but foster parents are a better option than the kids aging out. They age out of the system and there is an increase in homelessness, early pregnancy, prison and lack of education.
Susan McConnell and her husband, Doug, created the Barrington-based Let It Be Us to find more foster parents for children who are wards of the state.
“There is a chain reaction off all kind of bad things. Kids wind up moving from school to school. Every time they move, they effectively lose six months of education. By the time they get to high school, kids think ‘What is the point?’ It affects their employment. It makes it difficult to get their GED.”
Let It Be Us works with foster parents throughout the state, trying to increase the numbers. She labeled Lake County “a foster-home desert” and said there is difficulty in finding foster parents in Central Illinois as well.
She said it is not a case of people having to make a full commitment after their first Let It Be Us meeting.
“You only have to decide ‘Should I take the next step?’ We have multiple steps,” McConnell said. “You can take webinars from the comfort of your home.
“You are never on your own. There are always people to help you. You are part of a team.”
McConnell has heard from many foster parents about the attachment they feel to the children placed with them.
“You do end up falling in love with them,” she said. “You care for them in their time of need.
We want the people who care for them to fall in love with them, to be there for them.”
Twenty-two-time foster mom Carolyne Osterhues said foster parents benefit from the experience as much as the kids do.
“It is life-changing for you,” she said. “The kids will make an imprint on your heart.
“You will never forget it. Even if they go back, you have helped keep a family together. Or you could wind up adopting them. It’s a win-win either way.”
To find out about Let It Be Us, go to letitbeus.org.
